We all learn to accept ourselves for who we are at some point in life, but when will my time come?
I was adopted at four months old from Seoul, South Korea. My parents are Caucasian and both are professors at different colleges. I’ve had issues with being adopted in the past, and sometimes it still comes up in my life, but I’ve accepted that part. What I haven’t accepted is being an Asian American.
I watched an interview yesterday on CNN about an African American man from Canada that said he ‘hates being a black male.’ It made me think about myself and how sometimes I hate being an Asian American. My friends and family tell me I’m exotic and beautiful, but of course I don’t believe or trust them. It’s hard to accept who I am when my brother, who is also adopted, is okay with who he is.
After a rough four years of high school, I decided to take a few years off from school. I’ve gone back to a community college part-time, but I’d rather work. My father is a professor of Sociology at Rhode Island College, and my mother is a professor of English and Children’s Literature at Wheaton College. With that being said, it’s a lot of pressure on myself to go back to school and get my degree.
Aren’t Asians supposed to be smart and go on to be doctors and scientists? That’s how I view it. My perception is so fucked over that sometimes I wonder what’s real and what’s fake. I also look for that person that can make me feel beautiful inside and out. That’s never going to happen. Yeah I’m young, at twenty two years old I still don’t know what life has planned for me.
Sometimes I have a feeling I’m going to die young. I’m born to live fast and then die young. My parents don’t believe me but I also hardly believe them.
Why can’t I be a Caucasian woman with beautiful blonde hair. Or maybe a biracial woman with beautiful facial features and amazing unique hair. We all want what we can’t have right? Right.