The Illusion of Christmas

We’re told as children that there’s a man, also known as Santa Claus, that comes down our chimney to give us toys. I always wondered how he got inside my grandparent’s house, since they didn’t have a chimney. I also wondered how he knew where I was located each year for Christmas. He was never in my grandparent’s house and he didn’t know where I was, because Santa is a figment of our imagination. I still admire my imagination, but it’s no longer the type in which I can imagine and have no realistic worries.

As we get older, our excitement for Christmas clearly fades away. It’s the “norm” to be happy and cheery during the holidays. Stores are filled with decorations and gifts. Television commercials are all holiday related with over-joyed people. All anyone hears for music are the jingling of bells and different descriptions of Rudolph. It’s about how society portrays the different holidays.

When December hit, I was stressed. I made my list of presents I needed to buy for friends and family members. I’m a procrastinator, so of course I waited until mid-December to really put my list into action. As Christmas came closer, I decided that I wasn’t excited for it. It’s just another holiday. Sure, as a kid I was ecstatic, because it was all an illusion. Now that I’m older, I find the holidays to be bittersweet.

Christmas reminds me of my grandparents, and especially my grandma. As a kid my family and I would go to my grandparent’s house for Christmas in Massachusetts. My grandma would be in the kitchen the entire day on Christmas Eve. She was Italian and would make her own ravioli and sauce for dinner. My grandpa would help me write a letter to Santa and leave him cookies for his visit. My brother and I shared a room in my grandparent’s study. We would stay up and wait for Santa. He would quiz me on basketball players and basketball shoe names. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and sneak downstairs to see if Santa had come yet. He had. He was the coolest guy I had never met and I believed in his existence.

Christmas makes me miss my grandparents more than ever (both passed away three years ago near the holidays). My brother no longer spends it with our family but now with his wife’s family. I no longer find myself becoming excited and joyful around Christmas time, but rather stressed and angry.

Today, Christmas Eve, I woke up and decided not to be angry about the holiday, but instead to be thankful and open minded. Thankful for the family and friends that I do have around to spend time with. Open minded about how everything could always be worse. Some people may be alone on Christmas and others may not be able to be with friends or family. Sure, I could complain and whine about my missing certain people, and spend my time sad and depressed, but will that make me feel any better? Fat chance.

We all need to remember what the holidays are about. Christmas is about giving back and volunteering. It’s about ridding away the bad memories and making brand new ones. Let the children believe Santa’s coming to town. Let their imaginations run wild until they crash into reality.

Regret me not

We all tend to lean towards the word “regret” when trying to fix a certain situation. It could be a small and easily fixed issue, or a bigger one.

For example, the other morning was very brisk. I didn’t heat my car up before work and regretted it, but then I looked at the situation as positive, and I didn’t regret it. I may have been cold on the way to work, but I was on time and not late. Such a small situation to fret about, but it did come up in my mind.

Another example happened when I was younger. My ex boyfriend was an illegal distributor of marijuana. I had dealt with him and his “work” for about two years. I was attached to him. We were stopped one night by law enforcement and he had lied to me about where his stuff was. He had put it in the trunk of MY car, and then told the police it was all mine. I had never felt so betrayed. Of course though, I told them he was lying and to check his record. He admitted to his lie and began to cry. In this bigger situation, I could’ve regretted ever being with this guy. I could’ve regretted letting him ever live with me or use my car. But instead, I learned from that experience. I take that experience as a major factor that has shaped me and made me who I am today.

We need to stop looking for the “easy” way out. I ALWAYS lean towards regretting a situation. In my mind at that certain moment, regretting what happened seems to temporarily patch up that emptiness inside my chest. Then the patch tears and becomes empty again. Instead, I look at the bigger picture and the positive outcomes that come from negative happenings.

Learn from your mistakes. Learn how to handle a situation differently than before. Leave yourself satisfied. Inside of the negative is a positive, you just need to find it and believe that it’s there. You’re not alone, everyone does it. ✌️