Born in South Korea, Raised in Rhode Island

I’ve always wondered why I never enjoyed celebrating my birthday. As a kid, I had no problem with it. It was more exciting for me than Christmas. Of course, as a child, you don’t think about the meaning of a birthday. To me, a birthday is a day to celebrate one’s being born, and their existence in this world.  
As I grew older, I realized each year I began to care less and less about celebrating my day of birth. I couldn’t understand it and I slowly accepted that on my birthday I just didn’t get excited. My friends would be so confident and able to act like royalty on their day, why couldn’t I? 
It all starts with my being adopted, pretty much right after birth. I’ve had trouble finding any positivity in celebrating the day that my mom had to give me up. It feels wrong to celebrate. My birthday reminds me of a loss. But the older I get, and the more I realize what’s behind my feelings, I can understand that it’s okay to be celebratory. For my birth mom, for myself, for my mom and dad that raised me. I don’t know why she couldn’t keep me, and for all I know she doesn’t think about me at all. But deep down I truly believe she thinks about me on my birthday. As hard as it is for me, I suspect it’s even harder her. All I can do is live happily and love who I am!

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